The 2005 Area Contest – Special Report

A report from our special correspondent Phil (he knows cos he was there)

Areas day 2005 had arrived. Three months of practice on Vaughan Williams’ Variatiations for Brass Band behind us and we were off to Burton-on-Trent Town Hall to play it one last time.

The day was certainly a memorable one, full of laughter, tragedy, fights, booze, bacon butties, foot fetishists, bad smells, the usual dodgy results… oh and a bit of music in there somewhere.

First fight of the day was hand bags at dawn, when one bandsman greeted the other with a friendly “Aye Up you old BEEP, what the BEEP are you wearing. You should be in your BEEPing uniform – if it’s not good enough for you, you can BEEP off and join another BEEPing band” – or some other such early morning pleasantry.

“Yeah just BEEP off and stick it up your BEEP” came the friendly reply. Sensing a fun game another triade of abuse was offered as an opening gambit. This was expertly riposted with another volley of filth and threats of violence. 2 or 3 minutes into this game of verbal ping-pong and the first looks of doubt appeared on the faces of the first protagonist and the watching audience. Hang on a minute is there only one person actually playing this game here? OOops – never mind, both eventually kissed and made up later. Continue reading “The 2005 Area Contest – Special Report”